Ceeyena Inspired: I'm back after 2+ years.

Not so recently; I decided that I would NOT be doing anything else creative with the purpose of financial gain in mind. NOTHING!



That being said; after the previous post, I moved to Indiana for a year, at which point I took my Etsy offline to update my location and still have not put it back up. I am now back in Southern California. I'm attending school for Architecture...

The only social media I partake in anymore are Pintrest, Tumblr, and Instagram. No, I did not delete any of my other accounts, I simply don't use them, unless I am notified that I "need" to. Yes, if you try and reach me anywhere else; I will (in theory) eventually receive that communication. I'm doing a Keto Challenge for the next 60 days and will be trying to be more active in the blogsphere at least until classes start at the end of August. Seeing as I'm not exactly a creature of habit, we'll see how it goes.



In the mean time: I've been creative writing the last few days over on Tumblr, and been posting some art on Instagram.

Here's a watercolor painting of an orange I did recently.

Origially posted here: Ceeyena Inspired: I'm back after 2+ years.

Getting Back into the Groove, for the First real time

Today I felt well enough to get some work done. So I sat in bed all day reading articles on my laptop. Don't get me wrong, I was working. Maybe not the hands on creative work I usually prefer. No, today I got into the nitty gritty tedious and almost torturous labor of researching and planning out marketing. The main point I gleaned from the dozens of articles I read on the subject was simply this; Be yourself. Well of course I'll be myself. Yet the problem(s) with being myself is this; I'm naturally an optimistic pessimist, also known as a realist, who's a bit anti-social, socially awkward, and introverted. I don't really like talking about myself, ever, to anyone. And I can count my close friends on one hand. Generally, I have no problem being myself around those close friends. I can be friendly and witty and sarcastic and personable, and talk about them or things that don't matter until I'm blue in the face. My issue, I've come to find, is showcasing my friendly, witty and personable self to people I don't know. More specifically, in writing, in my Esty shop. When it comes down to it, I'm not naturally wordy enough for the internet. Yes, I see the irony here. This is a blog post, and I write it as though no-one will read it, except for maybe my dad. (Hi, dad!) Even though I have actually had a blog since 2007, I don't have a following. Probably because the aforementioned statements (paired with the fact that I'm terribly inconsistent when it comes to scheduling, and I don't stay on topic.)  (What was I writing about again?)



Last week I was terribly sick. I laid on the couch and watched old crime dramas such as "Murder, She Wrote." This morning, my husband and I spoke at length about our goals and disappointments for the past few years. I found myself, the pot, giving him, the kettle, some very sound advice for the umteenth time, and wondering why I never take my own advice. So this week I'm setting some short term goals. If I can keep with them, then I'll set some more goals, If I can't then I don't really want what I think I want and I should just give up on myself and get a "real job" and waste away for eternity working for someone else and live out my miserable existence as a blip on the radar, or another statistic. Sounds dreadful.



Some of these short term goals include;

- Retake photos of current Etsy inventory. Try and make them better than the ones I have.

- Review said listings and make some adjustments.

- Start work on pile of projects that I've been avoiding since my last trip to the fabric store, costumes don't make themselves.

- Do SOME work every day and don't sit around like a louse! (Except for Tuesday. I can be a louse on Tuesday if I want, hubs has the day off Tuesday.)



Does anyone want to help me with photography? I'll bake you any confection you desire (within reason) as payment.



Originally posted on Ceeyena Inspired

I can't figure out this button.

I was told to add a Pintrest button to my images on my website today. So I used the widget builder and am none-the-wiser on how to actually utilize it. Maybe I should do some more research.

In other news; I should be photographing more items for sale on Etsy at some point today. I suppose my first order of business should be finding my camera charger, then charging my camera, which is undoubtedly dead. I don't have any specific one type of item, there is a variety for posting today. Then my hausfrau duties kick in.

I feel I must apologize, I occasionally write as if people read my blog. But more often than not, I write as if no one does.


The following is only a test!

Test Failure!

Price Reductions and a Journal Style Entry

Nothings more annoying than when people write about how they don't write... I'm guilty of doing this, and I apologize.

In other news; I have been thinking a lot lately, since the snow is melting... I should change all of the prices on my etsy shop. So I have. I knocked $5-15 off of every item that is already posted in my shop. In the future, items will be posted for these new lower prices. Also; I still don't care to deal with figuring shipping charges, so there's still free shipping. (And a coupon on the front page for 20% off)

That being said; I found the tub with all of the other scarves in it, which I have yet to photograph and post. Seriously, an entire tub. One of those rubbermaid ones with the lids. Bigger than a file box, not as big as an actual bathtub. Full. Granted; there are also vintage gloves in there as well. Like; driving gloves, and white gloves that fancy people wore with their fancy gowns in days gone past. fancy. Plus I've created more inventory of my own. Messenger bags galore! Well, maybe not galore, but a few. I'll take pictures and post things once the world outside is no longer brown and gray. Or freezing.

In other news; completely unrelated to the aforementioned etsy shop news: I think we've decided it's time to move again. We'd like to be closer to friends, I want to go back to school for something I'm actually interested in, and Puese's job is essentially killing him for pennies over minimum wage. That being said; I'm looking for a good architecture program. I'll also be filming a personal project over the next... until it's done. Which will involve just about all of those things that I ever wanted to be when I grew up. Less being Sherlock Holmes and an architect.

On that first note; I'm sorry for the last posts over on my health blog. I'm including no link because the content is ridiculous, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to go delete them now. If you haven't read them yet, they've been up for almost a year, what exactly were you waiting for?

Date Night Jars from Ceeyena Inspired

Today I wrote a post over on my creative blog that seemed to also be pertinent to this one. It has to do with date night ideas and the fact that we need them. This is definitly not to say that Puese and I don't go out. We do, in fact we probably go out too much. No, I take that back. We don't go out too much. We go out to dinner or lunch with eachother often. But it's not usually a special get dressed up we're going out tonight things... unless we're going to visit my dad. Usually it's a "We just bought groceries but I don't want to cook" thing. This idea was put in place to avoid all of that. We don't usually want to cook because our kitchen in small and if there are any dirty dishes, it's discouraging to that creative influence by way of cuisine. I'm also not saying that the aforementioned going out randomly is bad. The means to get to that end are. Plus I'm a girl and I like to get dressed up sometimes and feel special dang-nabbit!

That being said; go read the post about our new Date Night Reward System!

Ceeyena Inspired: And So I failed 2013 - New Project Anyway!: I'm sure that if you followed this at all, you probably noticed that I stopped posting around the wedding. Then, I never started again. ...

Getting Back In Wisconsin.

Yesterday was a very long day. My first flight was at 11 out of LAX, but I got dropped off super early because Puese had to work at least part or the day. Then I had a 4 and a half hour layover in Denver. I had the forethought to find a book at the airport bookstore. I was fortunate enough to find a book that I was at least wanting to read, so I didn't have to peruse too hardcore. Plus; I'd already read the first three books by Tana French, so I was happy to see they had the fourth. Despite my thinking ahead though, I didn't actually get much reading done. I cannot read on airplanes, I get this nasty motion sickness, so I was only able to read on level ground. But even then, I had a lot of phone calls to make because my few plans were falling into disarray as the day wore on. And other plans hadn't actually been made yet. After that was all sorted out, and my second flight for underway, at some point, my arrival got delayed by more than a half hour. Maybe it had something to do with the rain that fell everywhere yesterday. Either way, with yet another plan change, my cousin and her date came to collect me from the Airport. Since they were cutting a chunk out of their date for my sake, we all went back to his place and watched half a movie. In hindsight, it's all very strange. But then again; it all worked out. It was sometime around 2am that we pulled into my aunts house where I got to sleep on the couch in the living room. 

Fast forward to this morning; I can't use the bathroom. My aunt has a giant Great Dane. I mean huge. Great Danes are big dogs, and he may be the tallest one I've ever met. Last time I saw him he continuously tried to kno I me over, and I've seen evidence if the physical damage he's done to others with his mass. Well, he was blocking the downstairs bathroom. And the upstairs bathroom is basically out of Commission. So after fretting for a while I got up the courage to step over his gate and into the bathroom. To my great pleasure, he was well behaved, and only stood there go ing me funny looks as I snuck past to the bathroom. I wish I could have just gotten the whole showering thing out of the way then, but alas it was not to be. I didn't have any hair care products, and I didn't want to use anything too different from the types of products I have been using. So I got my shoes back on. (Didn't have to change as I was still wearing the same thing I'd flown in). Then I made my way down the street to make my purchases. Let me just say this; it is a bitter cold out there. The facts of the matter are, I just flew in from Southern California. I am now in southeastern Wisconsin. The temperature difference from there to the 43 degrees that is here, is drastic to my body. I'm cold. It bites. 

I found out as well, today, that I don't have to be anywhere for anyone at all. So after showering, doing my hair and makeup, wasting time, and reading some of that book I bought; I realized I hadn't eaten more than a handful of leftover trail mix, and was therefore hungry. I am now at Jimmy Johns writing this, and desperately not wanting to go back outside. It's so cold, and I don't have anything to do. I hope the rest of this trip isn't like this. Especially if I'm going to have to stay here. 

Trial Run Packing

As of right now, I am planning on going and staying for as long as I need to. It may turn out sooner or later that I will come back. This means that I have to prepare myself for the possible eventuality of not coming back. I'm doing a trial run-through of packing today, one week before I have to do the actual thing. I am wearing what I am (as of right now) planning to wear on the plane. It doesn't look, right now, as if all this junk will fit. Mostly because I know there are things not pictured because I recently used them and they're dirty, or I didn't want to pick through them yet (ie: underwear and socks). I'm hoping to avoid the whole; get there and be missing things scenario. Of course, there are things I'm planning on NOT traveling with, that I will pick up there (ie: Shampoo, Conditioner, etc) though I am taking my deodorant.

 I have to take ALL of these shoes. The teal heels are possibly my wedding shoes, so I'd like to have them with me at my dress fitting. The nude heels are the shoes I'm supposed to wear with my bridesmaid dress at my friend's wedding. They fit when I bought them, but upon trying them on again yesterday when I was trying to alter the dress, they were a bit snug... otherwise, I can wear either pair of heels with any of my suit stuff, I don't think it'd be space effecient to bring a third pair of dress shoes. Plus; I don't know which pair I'd take since my flats dies the day I bought the nude heels. The ballet shoes are for dance, they don't take up too much space. The brown sandals fit me better than my black ones, and are more comfy, plus they also don't take up too much space. The Newbalance are for exercise. I am hoping against hope that I will be able to exercise quite a bit, since I've not been able to recently. The black ones are my everyday shoes. Though, I can only wear them with one of my pairs of jeans... But I have to have shoes, can't wear sandals all the time.

I'll be taking both of my suits, since I'm supposed to be finding work while I'm there. I've collected a pile of three tops that can work with either suit and my teal shoes. One of those shirts can go with my slacks and/or my nude shoes. Also; I've got three other nice shirts and a sweater that are suitable with either suit and my slacks with either nude or teal shoes. They also work well with jeans. I'm also bringing two cardigans. The black one should probably be retired, but I like it too much. I'm also bringing my green one (it's under the black one.) They both go with the slacks but can be worn with jeans, or instead of suit jackets. The thing in the bag is the bridesmaids dress... I'm also taking a strapless bra for it. (damn thing takes up so much space... for one use. Poo!) I'm also taking the bra beneath it, and the one I'm wearing. I may also take the one that's currently on my dress form. The 4 rolled up tanks can go under any of my v-neck shirts, I may end up taking more than just four, but haven't decided on the colors I'd need.

The pile of clothes in the top corner are my workout clothes, sans what I wore when I was doing laundry the other day. I have three shirts, a jacket, and 3 pairs of pants (I also have 4 sports bras). I grabbed all of my hair dye, since I payed for it. As of right now, I'm still planning on keeping it colored. Granted; right now it's royal blue, and is supposed to be teal, but I have hope that after I wash it a couple more times, It'll fade a bit. I also brought in my hair straightener, deodorant, and hair brushes, as well as my baggy for bobby pins and jewlery. I have not filled it up correctly yet, but it's good for a placeholder. I'll be using a new toothbrush, which I have to get. Like I said before, I'll be getting my shampoo and conditioner when I get there (which means I have to plan out when my hair needs to be washed between now and then.) I can also pick up face wash if I need to. But I may just fill a travel size container of my oil to wash my face with. Also not pictured are my hair towel, bath towel, and washcloth. They are wet because I used them. Though I am considering not taking a bath towel and crossing my fingers that I still have one at my dad's. Below my exercise clothes is pajamas. I'm only taking two shirts and two pants. I hope that's enough, I also hope that I won't need anything warmer. I'll probably end up taking a hoodie. Next to that is my casual shirts. Next to that is my two pairs of pants and my one pair of cut offs. They're kinda like shorts, they're cut off right above the knee. One pair of my pants is far too long, and have to be worn rolled up. Which sucks. The other pair are slightly too big, but also a smidge too short. Which also sucks, but seeing as they're the only two pairs of pants that I own that even partially fit me right now, they'll have to work.

I'm also bringing my laptop, my 3DS, my cell phone, my tripod, and the camera I used to take this picture. I'm also going to take some exercise DVD's, and all the power cords required for all that stuff. I'll have to also locate my headphones, which I just thought of. All of this, plus the above mentioned will be going into these two suitcases and my computer bag. I will also take a sketchbook and some pencils. I don't think I'll fit my colored pencils, or my drawing pad.

    

 I don't think I've missed anything important. I have a travel size tooth brush. I'll have to figure out something to do about makeup... I think I still have a travel bag for things like that. I do have to go through and figure out what jewelry I'll be wearing for my friend's wedding, and if I own anything suitable to wear with my wedding dress. I'm also planning on taking my unopened bag of Shakeology, and should also take the mixing bottle I have for that. Oh yeah! I have to take my purse. I can probably put all essential items in my laptop bag and pack my physical purse somewhere so I don't have an extra item. If I do this all right, I'll have one checked bag (the bigger one), one carry on (the smaller one), and a personal item (the laptop bag)... Now i just have to remember to breathe, not freak out, fit it all in these bags, and then pack up all of my other belongings and add them to the storage upstairs. (deep breaths) Ommigawd! Do I need a jacket?!

EDIT:

I always forget that I'm an expert packer... I got ALL of my clothes (sans suit jackets and bridesmaids dresses, socks and underwear) into the small suitcase. Everything else fit into the big one with more than enough space for all the un-pictured items plus a few more. I even got my tripod in there... I didn't even have to use the extra space with the zipper expansion thingy, meaning the small one will even fit in an overhead compartment. Now I'm thinking I should take my backpack instead of my laptop bag, and just pack differently... I probably won't do that though. However, I do have enough space to roll up my backpack super small and take it... Hold up, I have to remember to take my duffel bag for laundry. But I'm feeling much better about this now. Just have to pack up ALL of the rest of my belongings now... I dun wanna. 

Should I stay when I go? Or come back?

Many of you may have noticed that I am NOT currently living in Wisconsin. Yes, Puese and I had planned on moving there after we visited last year. But then life happened and plans changed, and we're still in Southern California. Well, an interesting prospect has cropped up recently, and I'm now torn about what to do. In a month's time, I will be in Wisconsin for a friend's wedding. For financial and planning reasons, we've not purchased my flight home yet. The other day; Puese presented me with this option: What if I stayed? Of course I immediately started thinking in this direction. All the possibilities, all the pros and cons, have been whirring through my brain since then. And each option has it's pros and cons. There are however, many variables that would need to be made constant in order to choose, or would be made a constant by that choice.
If I were to stay out there, I would have to start looking for a place to live, and a job. I personally know that I wouldn't be able to afford or get into anyplace with a contract of any sort. (Thank you student loans for my terrible credit score!). With not having a place to stay for a visit yet, this is a detail that would cause me great stress. Also; I would only have with me what I take out there on the plane. Meaning I would need to bring ALL of the necessary necessities for getting a job and living day to day. I'd have to be extremely prepared to live a minimalistic lifestyle for an undisclosed amount of time. Even if I were to get a good job and find a place to live, I'd have no furniture or wares. Plus, I'd have no sewing machine, printer, large drawing pads, probably not my colored pencils. I'd take my laptop, of course. I know that drawing pads and things of that nature can all be purchased there, but if I'm expected to live a minimalistic lifestyle, that also would require me to spend as little money as possible. I'd really be challenging myself to continue on with my creative challenge.
There's also the concern of which state would I try to find a life in? I suppose that depends on where I can stay for the immediate time while I look for these other things. But I'd also need to work that out before we go. Basically that decision would boil down to where Puese want to live after we get married. Which brings me to the point of the decision making. If I were to stay, we'd have a set time for when we'd be living there by. We'd both be out there by September.
The other option of course if for me to come back. If we did that; nothing of our current plans would change. We'd be in SoCal until January of next year at the earliest, and our wedding would be treated like a destination wedding. This plan works. It brings in more money in the long run (depending on work I can find) and it's already in motion. But, and this is the kicker for me, it doesn't have a specific end date. And I really don't want to live here forever.
There are of course other small things that I could take into consideration as well (like my sewing machine). For instance; My hair. It's teal. I like it teal, I'd like to keep it teal, but that limits the sort of employment I'd be suitable for. (Because equal opportunity doesn't include strange hair colors). Or how I'd be able to get more onsite wedding planning done. There's also the fact that I won't see Puese for possibly 5 months, to consider. And that level of missing is crazy. I know we could handle it, but it's not something I like to think about. Either way, I leave in 22 days, so I must decide before then. I'd like to be able to decide sooner rather than later so that I have enough time to pack all of my things up in this house, and have them ready for whenever Puese is ready to move them to me.

A Goal for 27

I have been thinking allot lately, with recent events, that life is short, and I've spent a lot of time wasting it. I'm not old yet, but not everyone gets to be old. I'm also no longer considered very young. Plus, Puese and I have been wedding planning. We've been going through these Offbeat Bride worksheets I've found online. The entire process (even without the worksheets) has got me thinking about what I really want. Generally, I still don't know. I feel like I've been making decisions about what I "want" based on what I think I'm supposed to want, or what other people/society/some body else wants me to want. I have come up with a few things that have remained true of me though.

I've always enjoyed all forms of Art. I love dance, and music, painting, and being creative in any which way. None of these things are generally helpful, because it's highly unlikely that they will bring me any monetary gain. Therefore, I should not pursue them, except in extra-curricular ways. But I never really wanted anything else. This is the part where I get to suck it up, and trudge along like everyone else and settle for being mediocre at anything, and not passionate about anything except hobbies. For instance; Choosing Graphic Design as a major was a wise choice because it would bring in more financially. So I told myself I wanted to do it. I made up answers for peoples questions regarding specifics on this matter, and kept pursuing it because I was supposed to. Even if we step further back than that; I chose to go to this college in the first place because it was expected of me to strive for more academically, and try to prove that I could be better... Better than what? Than who I was? Than someone else? Than someone else who wished they'd found themselves in my shoes? In hindsight, I cannot answer these questions anymore. The only logical thing to do is to try and learn from the past, and let it go. Start now, from square one. This brings us to the main narrative, and in so doing; I must try and answer my original questions. What do I want?

Like I said before, I've always enjoyed all forms of art. But no one thing enough to invest myself wholly into it. This was either due to a lack of drive on my part, or something in my upbringing that led me to believe the desired outcome was neigh impossible. Regardless of the previous reasoning, and with all logic put aside; what would I have wanted if the world was my oyster? In this state of open mindedness, there comes a myriad of different things that I've daydreamed of being able to do. Among them are: Being multi-lingual, Playing multiple instruments Recording songs/albums, Choreographing music videos and other dances, Knowing some form of martial arts, designing clothes, making art that people liked, Moving people with film, performing on stage, being able to shoot a bow like Robin Hood, Doing all those things that stunt doubles do (including motorcycle riding, and base jumping... maybe not base jumping), Knowing artisan skills like welding and wood-crafting, Build/rebuild a car... I could probably go on for a while... I understand that not all of these are viable or even at all possible, but some of them are. I have the power to take control of a few, and work towards them.

Starting now, I am doing what I can to be the me that I've always wanted to be. I've committed to a BeachBody Challenge. Puese and I are both eating healthy (as long as it doesn't feel like a diet), and I am exercising every day for at least an hour. By doing this, there is a possibility, that I can work my way back into the realm of possible, to start choreography and dance once again. Recently, I've also started utilizing other resources that have been made available to me, and started learning Spanish. Now, I've never wanted to learn Spanish, but this is a perfect place to start towards becoming multi-lingual. At the beginning of the year, I made a commitment to myself to make at least one creative thing a week. Thus far, I have stuck to that commitment, and in so; I'm exercising my creative juices on a regular basis.

One more thing I've got in my head that I would really like to do is this; Before my 27th year is over, I would like to write, record, choreograph, and film a music video. Since I am only 26, that gives me a little more than 14 months to work with. Why? Why on earth would I want THAT of all things? During my recent reflections, and remembering previous times when I tried to think about what I wanted; This has been the most constant want of them all. Seems pretty specific? Yes, and my vision of it, is a bit more specific than that even.
I'd like to write (co-write/have written for me/still working out the details of this) a song that I'd consider "Epic." Meaning: It starts out nice, and builds accordingly, up to a terrific climax, and then fades back down appropriately. The words of this song would tell some sort of touching story. The choreography/dance, would illustrate these words and be canonized on film. This sounds like a very tall order. But I believe with the right dedication, accountability, direction, and assistance, this project can come to fruition. This is what I want. This is one major thing I want.

Ruiners Help Nothing.

I'm getting really tired of people and their woe is me mentality. Actually it's more of a greater than thou mentality. Either way; the combination of the two is pissing me off. I generally start the day off in a good mood. I am me, and that's okay. You are you, and that's okay. I have my opinions based on my own experiences and life. you have your own that I really don't need shoved down my throat or into my general vicinity at all. I'm more than willing to listen to your reasons and opinions and ideas, but just because YOU had them doesn't make them true or fact for ME. You are not the creator of the universe. And to me, you're not a special little snowflake. You're just a chunk of snow, like everyone else. I would apologize that my opinion offends you because you're too sensitive or in a bad place today, but I'm not sorry. The worst part is I'M not even being offensive. I'm not saying you are bad, or negative, or anything. I'm not even being a negatron on myself. I am either utilizing my own humor or version of irony, for MY pleasure. Not yours. If you don't get it, don't get huffy and ruin my day because you misread, or mistook something I did or said. Besides rants like this one, I rarely (if ever) post anything in a negative light, for negative or injuring purposes.

Long story short: I hate mood ruiners. I'd like it if they kept their opinions to themselves. On the other hand: They are trying their damnedest, but they haven't completely ruined my day.

There's No Planning Hype

People talk about how they wish people would stop hounding them about wedding stuff. They say that every which-way they turn there's someone telling them they need to do such-and-such because "that's just how it is." Or there's someone who wants them to plan a certain way, or have certain things, or this or that, yada yada yada. I have not been so "blessed." The most hounding I get from people is from some wedding planning websites who keep sending me emails, and invites to wedding expos the weekend after they happen. Yes, the other day I did have a good friend of mine ask how it was going and offer assistance. But this was a friend whom I hadn't seen in a year. There was no "You should do this, because..." It was honest and friendly. Beyond that; NO one seems to want to talk about it, unless I bring it up. Even then, it just seems like they're just tolerating me. It may be just my imagination, but I do feel that I'm the only one thinking about this wedding at all. It kind of feels like no one wants it to happen. Either that, or they just don't think it will. And now I'm starting to think the same. The more and more we put off talking about and planning the wedding, for reasons such as this, that, and the other, the more and more we get closer to nothing being set in stone. I really hate the fact that I've started thinking of already having my wedding dress as a bad thing, and a setback. Why on earth should that disappoint me? Probably because I don't think anyone believes I can do it. They don't think I can plan a wedding and pull it off. And if they don't believe I can do it, they actually just don't believe in me. I don't want to plan something just to prove "them" wrong. I guess the truth seems to be that I don't believe it'll happen. I don't believe in me.

Bouquet Alternatives?

Ever had an issue, that you didn't know was an issue, until you started talking about it? I was talking to my dad the other day, mostly just rambling on about this, that, and the other, and I told him I'd asked my BFF's mom to help me make paper flowers. Actually; she volunteered for the job. Any job. That's what I needed done, so I sent her all the information I had, pictures of the ones I had made and didn't hate and our colors. I also told my dad that I had her stop. Of course he had to go and ask me why. So I had to reflect. Originally I had her stop because I was upset at life, and circumstances didn't let me believe that we were even going to be able to have the wedding I've been planning. I'm mostly over that now. If the crisis has been averted, why can't she start again? Well... I'm not sure what the flowers would be for. Decorations was my plan for them, and bouquets. But I don't think I want a bouquet. It seems completely useless to me. Why do I need a bouquet? My dad was kind enough to google it for me and found that way back, I think he said as early as the 1500's (don't quote me on that), brides would carry flowers for luck. They would toss the bouquets to pass the luck onto their guests. There were also the results he found about annual baths being in May, so couples would get married in June and as a precaution, would carry flowers and herbs to mask the smell. He read off several different search results and the consensus is that bouquets carried by brides are for either luck or smell. Since I bathe on the regular, and I don't believe in luck; I still don't want to carry a bouquet. Then my dad's friend wrote to me and said something along the lines of it being something to hold in your hands as you walk down the aisle. I must say; I totally see her point. But I still don't like the idea of a traditional bouquet. Not that paper flowers are traditional at all. I wish there was something else I could do with my hands. Or there was something else to carry. Something more practical.

On Renegade Opinioning

You know what I hate?! When plans get thwarted. Not only do you not get the carry out your plans, you look like a big, fat, stupid liar to those you told your plans to. I didn't mean to let my plans get thwarted. I am probably more upset than you, that I'm not able to do them any more. I wish it wasn't working out this way, but seriously, sometimes life happens. Sometimes life happens a little more often to some people. Sometimes It's a bit more cruel than it is to others. Regardless of the reasons or circumstances, life has been happening to me. And there is no doubt in my mind that people are forming opinions about me, based on how my plans keep changing. Why is that, you ask? Because these people whom I think are opinioning, are the same people who opinion about other people in my presence. The same exact reason why I am almost 100% certain that my old boss has talked unjust trash about me. She talked trash about my predecessor. This whole thing, the thwarting of plans and reneging of promises, it lets you know people a bit better. It shows you who you can really trust and count on. And who you shouldn't tell your secrets to. It shows you who you were right about choosing as your friends. It also helps you figure out what it is you really want. Or the opposite; it lets you know that you don't know what you want at all. I've been in the boat of not knowing what I want for a long time. But there are certain things that I put a lot of energy into accomplishing. I set goals and some of those goals have been trod upon. Though they were goals I set out of logic and necessity, I'm thoroughly upset that I can no longer travel the path I was on, towards attaining them. If I truly do want them, I am going to have to change coarse, compromise, and figure out what parts of my goals I can let go of, and what parts of them I actually do want. My problem now is having No idea how to figure out what I really do want. How do I differentiate between what I want because I want it, and what I want because I think I'm supposed to want it...

Thinking Over Thinking

Sometimes I think I go overboard and think my way into a mess. Other times I'm grateful for my over thinking habits. I can't think of any instances at the moment that have been particularly beneficial from it, but I'm sure it's happened. Most of the time I think it doesn't really effect anyone but myself, and even there, it's neither bad, nor good. I'm trying to decide what my blogging would be classified as. Not that it matters, but I've thought my way into a bunch of different types of blogs for different purposes, which can all be found in one central location. There's nothing particularly wrong with that. I suppose it's beneficial to have a specific place for a specific group of types of thoughts. It's also befitting for those, if any, who would choose to read only one type of content, could, in fact, do just that. For instance; if someone who's found me via YouTube, and wants to find out more about my fitness journey from one of my fitness videos; they may not be so inclined to read about my crunchy exploits. Though, if they do find themselves interested, there is definitely a way to find those posts, by way of my blog hub at Raw Ceeyena. So far, I cannot see a cataclysmic hole in my scheme, but I may be missing something. Of course, with the example of the fitness journey, that points now rather moot, as I've replaced my fitness blog with a healthy living blog, which does include some crunch things, or at least it will as it progresses. Though, any former posts in my old fitness blog can still be found and shouldn't be going anywhere any time soon. On another hand; having so many different specific type blogs is forcing me to think ahead a bit when I'm going to post. If content leaks over from one to another because I'm one person and not several; I have to consider whether or not to link to a related post or not. As well as remember which post that was. I also have to filter (choose to) the content that I talk about in any specific blog and focus more on a different aspect of what I'm talking about, dependent on which one I'm writing for. Unless however the blog in question is this one; and I can talk about whatever I so choose because it's just a general log, and nothing too specific, other than about me and my life. I guess I'll know if I've over thought it, when I think my way into a self calculating spreadsheet that I won't be able to decipher in a months time... We'll see.

A Yay! A Meh. and an Eh?

To get right into things; Christmas Eve - My hair looked good! I was super surprised since my hair's been unreasonably frizzy lately. So I decided to try something different. I used my wide tooth comb on my Apple Cider Vinegared hair and again on my wet hair. I think it was before I plopped it with my microfiber towel. I didn't even realize how it looked until I got home and was about to wash my face. Since then, I've only washed it once, and it didn't curl as nicely as on the 24th, it was a bit frizzier too, but it wasn't as frizzy as it had been. It was more or less "normal" frizzy for my hair. Right now is the end of day 3, I washed it on Friday morning and it's now Sunday night. My hair is not really greasy at all. I will still wash it tomorrow though. It is new years eve after all, and I have a date with my man! I'm pretty sure I'll be able to get it down to washing it at most twice a week, pretty soon. Yay!
On an opposing note: Christmas Eve - I broke out! Seriously! I had little tiny zits all about my face. I Never break out like that! I don't know why, all of a sudden it chose to do that... though, I may have forgotten to wash my face a few nights while I was super sick... I can't remember. Either way. I took note of the blemishes and washed my face with honey. I don't know if it helped or not. I put makeup on and then left the house until night. When I was noticing my hair (as mentioned above) I didn't notice any craziness on my face, but then again; I was kinda busy admiring my hair. I have not had any bad breakouts since then, but then again, it's not even been a week yet.
On a completely different, kinda related note: I've decided to try the sugar wax thing. I'm not sure when I stopped shaving my legs, but I have been made aware of that fact and now seek to rectify it. I will probably walk to the store tomorrow for fruit and veggies, and purchase the makings of while I'm there. Not sure when I'll be able to make it though.

Thick and Stringy, hair that is.

There are only 2 more full days until Christmas and I look terrible. I'm not talking about the fact that I'm overweight actually, I'm talking about my hair. I said a couple of posts ago that I made my own body wash. Well, I did, and it works great. I have no issue or qualm with it. I am clean, and that's what's to be expected. (The darn stuff is made from soap). It was after making this body wash and deciding that I liked it and my homemade face wash, that I chose to venture into making my own shampoo and conditioner.
A little while longer back I discussed my hair and face routine and then alluded to the fact that I had been trying out the "Curly Girl Method" of hair care. (I followed that up here.) I can't say that I didn't like my sulfate free products, they were fine. But I didn't much like the fact that a single bottle of either cost more than a set of the chemically stuff I'd been used to. Granted; not shampooing anymore means that I'd not have to purchase as much shampoo, but I was going to have to purchase more conditioner... I don't think it would have actually evened out in the end. Regardless, I chose to find a way to make my own. After some research on my different options I chose to simply go the no-'poo route. (For those that don't know what no-'poo is; instead of shampoo and conditioner, you use a solution of baking soda and water to clean the hair and then a solution of apple cider vinegar and water to "condition" it... roughly.) Since I didn't make a note of what day it was that I actually started this, I can't say exactly how long I've been doing it. If I thought hard enough and did the math I'd come up with a more accurate account, but for now I'm going to say it's been almost 2 weeks.

My natural, no product curl

I don't actually have a huge problem with the method itself. My hair is clean. It's also feeling much thicker than normal. My only problem with it so far, is that it's incredibly frizzy and stringy. My curls are breaking apart into super thin tendrils instead of the regular thick locks that they split into when my hair dries. I don't usually brush or comb my hair until right before I wash my hair, and this has never really posed a problem in the past. However, this morning, I had a rats nest at the back of my head that would make my 5 year old self blush. Today I tried to do the coconut oil for frizzy hair thing after my shower, and my hair just went limp and oily. Not my favorite. So now my hair is thick, heavy, limp, stringy, and looks a little oily (just not near the roots). It looked so bad before it even dried that I rolled into a bun at the nape of my neck and left it there. But even that's too heavy and is giving me headaches. I'm not sure what else to do. When I use normal shampoo (even the sulfate free stuff) my hair is wavy/curly and organizes itself just fine when I let it air dry. Maybe it has something to do with the microfiber towel I've been using. Maybe it has to do with that three week transition period people talk about when recommending the no-'poo thing.
Has anyone else had this issue? Has anyone whose tried this had their hair dramatically change in texture? Does anyone have suggestions? I'd like to not look like an unclean boho on Christmas.

Sick Time at Christmas

And so I am sick. We're going on the fourth day of it I believe. It's one of those congestion things. My nasal passages are mostly swollen shut, and when I can breathe a bit, it's to one side or it's very mucusy  It started as it does every year. A slight tingle at the back of my throat, followed by the congestion in my nose and them, vioala; I am sick. One year I was sick for at least a month straight. I believe that was December of 2009 into 2010. Happy New Year! I, of course, have done the usual thing; lay on the couch all day, watching movies, whilst being unfunny and ordering those around who will do my bidding. But it begs the question; why now? It could be due to the fact that my body is transitioning from the synthetic clean of normality to some sort of crunchy new self. Maybe my doing away with store bought soaps and things and deciding to make my own has made me more susceptible to germs and whatnot. Or it could be the fact that I share very close living quarters with one whom has been super gross sick, recently. Perhaps though, it's the combination of the two. All's I know is that I'm down for the count and, though I'd like to not feel so gross, I'm not sure I'm keen on getting better. Now this is my cynical self speaking, of course. What good does it do me to be well? I don't do much else than I do now. At least for now I have an suitable excuse for doing nothing and getting away with it. I'm not so guilty now. However, when I am well, I have no real excuse for doing nothing. Granted; I do what I can when I can, and circumstances as they are don't allow me much else than that. But I feel terrible for not being able to do anything more. That, and it's Christmas time, and I'm not nearly as able to celebrate as I was last year. It gives me pause to reflect. "Where could I have been if things had gone slightly different?" "If I had planned ahead, what could possibly have been done different?" "Why on God's green earth am I speaking this way?" Seriously... maybe I've watched too many fantasy movies these past three days. Meh. Alas, this with my other quandaries shall now go unresolved for now. I am sick and should head to bed. I just wish Nyquil made me feel drowsy so I could get to sleep faster.

The Oil Cleansed Face is GOOD

I am no authority on the Oil Cleanse Method, I have only been doing it for three days. But I must say that I am sure that I will probably continue to enjoy its effects and benefits. If you're hoping for the technical and/or medicinal/health benefits and fact, then you've come to the wrong place. I am only here to share my experience. If you're in need of all that information you may want to try someplace like THIS or THIS or Google it or something.
From what I've come to understand through my own searching, most ladies don't do/use the Oil Cleanse every day, or if they do, it's only at night. I also came to expect that through this method, my face might become more oily than normal, until it balanced out from using face washes. Mine did not. It may not have gotten oily due to the fact that I don't like my face when I wash with normal face wash and have not found a product that I actually can stand behind and has made my face, oh so lovely, so I don't wash more than once a day, so there wasn't so much to counteract by switching to oil? Regardless of the reason, my face is not super oily in comparison  Nor has it been super dry. It has, however, been soft and clean looking. So I approve. I also approve of the fact that I made it myself. I did have to purchase both of the ingredients in mine, but I didn't want to use the Olive Oil from the kitchen (this is still not my house) and I've never had a need for Castor Oil, so I've never had to purchase it before. I bought a fancy glass 8.5oz bottle of ExtraVirginOliveOil and the only Castor Oil I could find in 4oz. Which turned out to be a good combination of parts for my face. I mixed them together in a mason jar and then poured the mixtures back into the other two bottles. Now I have a small travel sized bottle and a bathroom sized bottle. Sweet! The most difficult thing about making it was getting the olive oil label off of the glass bottle.
The first night I tried it, I was a bit skeptical that it would actually work, and afraid that I'd just wasted good money. But I was happy with how well the oil came off my face with the steamy towel and it really did leave my face actually feeling clean. The second night, though, was the real test. I had worn makeup that day (yesterday) I don't always wear makeup, and I don't always cake it on very thick. Yesterday wasn't so much of an exception. I did wear makeup, but it wasn't caked on. It was the basic; slight concealer, a tad bit of rouge, a dash of foundation, eye shadow (powder) as eyeliner and shadow and a waterproof mascara. To my utmost delight the oil mixture massaged all essence of makeup away. Actually it got all the mascara off faster than the shadow as liner (but that's because it was on the edge of my lids). Oh Happy Day! I made something at home that actually works and I can be proud of.
Though, looking further into it; I may want to balance out my washing's with something else. Based on what I've been "hearing"/reading, There are other at home face cleansers that I can make that may work for me as well. I'm keen to try anything, and if I shouldn't be using the oil cleanse every day, I'd like to know what a good alternative is. Though, with my current results, I can't imagine daily use would be bad. We'll have to see how it goes as time progresses. Until then... I made my own body wash today.

A Naturalistic Me

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, and I'm beginning to act like a quasi-hippy. That actually may not be the best way to describe it. Nonetheless, I am calling it that until I come up with a more suitable term. To help me define it better, it may help to describe the symptoms.

A few weeks back I started looking into hair care, to make my hair less frizzy and more... pretty. I found several qualified options to attempt to utilize, but I didn't stop looking. I actually started so much as changing my own personal hygiene rituals, as well as the products I was using. I can't say I'm super satisfied with the products, but people say it takes a few weeks for your hair to come to terms with the change, so I'm not giving up. I am, however, still finding ways to make the process a bit less expensive. It makes no sense that something with less in it should cost more. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but I progressed from "healthier" products to buy, to at home remedies I could manufacture myself with things I might already have. I've settled at things I can make with simple ingredients from around my house... mostly the kitchen. At some point along the way, my search also spread from just hair care to face and skin care. I've even gone as far as making small purchases so that I may actually concoct some of this remedies. As I gather information and (apparently) momentum for these projects, I've been incorporating what I've concocted into my daily routine. I've even started contemplating in advance what I will do and when, so that I can incorporate my new "all natural" "products" and start ruling out the now, less desirable items. For instance; I ran out of shampoo and conditioner, purchased Sulfate free stuff. I ran out of face wash and mixed up and incorporated the Oil Cleanse. I've got all of the ingredients for body wash now, and when what I have runs out, I'll brew it up and replace what I no longer need.
There are a few things though that I don't think I'll ever truly replace. For instance; I don't think I'll replace toothpaste all together. Though I may choose to do a baking soda cleaning on a regular basis. And I'll probably still use the little amounts of makeup that I do use now, as well as continuing to paint my nails. I can't get rid of all of my toxins... That'd be downright un-American. But where I'll probably end up drawing the line is at feminine care products. Yeah. Anyways...
After I've come up with a satisfactory body wash, I'm considering home-made deodorants  I'm also looking at simply going the no-'poo route and implementing a dry shampoo into my routine along with an at home conditioner. We'll see. Though I may jump on the defrizzifying train first. Who knew I'd jump on the all natural train?! Actually I figured it might happen sooner than later. I've never wanted to douse myself in manufactured products and all natural/organic items intrigue me. Hopefully I'll be able to figure this all out sooner rather than later, so that it's all manageable and natural by my wedding.
(We seriously need to move sooner rather than later too, so that I can have my own kitchen and act on having a healthy diet as well.)

Stoic Stress and Fretting

Have you ever been at that place where deep down inside of you, there's a part of you that you know is freaking out. And you feel like you should be spazzing completely, but for some reason you're either blahseh or just resiliently calm? That's kind of where I am right now. I had all these strange and random realizations about future things that either are or aren't going to go well. I have made many a mental note to talk to Puese about such and such, or this and that. I have perused the internet for answers to my silent qualms. But still deep in the pit of my stomach, at the corner of the back of my brain, I'm screaming; "WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO CALM? You're blood is going to boil and your heart is going to mis-beat and pop out of your chest. You're tears will line the streets for days." But I'm not actually reacting. Maybe I'm keeping it together because I know that freaking out won't solve anything. Then again, that's NEVER stopped me from jumping off the drama train before. Maybe it's because I've been needed today. The Mr is sick and I've assumed the role of care giver. The care giver never breaks down when they are needed most.
But what is it that I'm stressing over? Wedding stuff, of course. Not wholly and completely, but mostly and thoroughly. For instance; we don't have an officiant. We have options for officiants, but I'm not sure I've been comfortable with any of our options yet. Then my brother offered to do it. YAY!!! Having him do it would be wonderful for various reasons; 1) He'd be able to be a part of our ceremony, and not just an onlooker. As of right now, the only person doing anything in our ceremony of my family, besides me; is my dad, giving me away. 2) I wouldn't have to worry about the officiant and whether or not our views match up enough, or if they're going to make me take tests, or if all members of our families will be comfortable with our choice... 3) My brother gets me, and likes Puese. 4) He offered. This is probably the one of the best wedding gifts he could give... However, I'm having an exceedingly difficult time trying to hunt down all of the rules, regulations, laws, codes, and whatnot's about becoming an officiant in Wisconsin from out of state just for a wedding. Seriously, I've found lots of useful information, but no answers. I must keep looking. If I don't find what I'm looking for, perhaps I'll call the Jefferson County Clerk and speak to a person about it. The other option would be to get married in CA and not have a legal ceremony, but just a "show" ceremony in WI next year.
Talking to my brother today, it was also brought to my attention that I'm going to have to figure out food soon. If we're going to have to hire a caterer, it'll have to be more nowish, and less last minutey. Or we could just make all of the foods ourselves. It's just hor de vours right? Ummm... I don't cook on the regular, nor will I want to spend the morning of my wedding slaving over a hot stove and/or oven. I probably won't want to do it the night before either. I could always have the food made by other people and have them bring it, but that just sounds like a bad idea to me. I could probably plan the food better once I know how many people will be coming. Which brings me to my next point of panic;
My parents have not given me their lists yet. I asked them before Puese asked his for theirs. His mom emailed me hers maybe a week after he talked to her. I asked for mine in October. It's almost Christmas for crying out loud. I still have no idea how many Save the Dates I should be making. Nor do I know where to send these Save the Dates once I have made them. Granted, they don't have to go out until the end of January. But I'd like to be prepared, just in case, say; we're in the middle of moving then. I guess I could work on wording for now. Figure out what they'll look like, if they'll have a picture, what the quest titles will be. (probably: Save the Date! Derp.) But then, do I have to address them? Do they need to have a return address? Maybe not, it's just a Save the Date, not the invitation. We're not requesting return service. We do have a wedding website though. I could include that link.
When the time comes though, I'd like to have a more concrete address. I swear, if we have not moved by 4 months out from the wedding, I may collapse into a massive panic attack. That's not a threat really, just a statement of possible fact. I'd also like this more permanent address for the purpose of changing my name. (Which I am still conflicted about) Having researched a bit looking for information  about officiants, I ran across the marriage licensing/application process. In the state of California, you can legally change your name by way of said marriage license. You can also apply online, and show up together to pick it up. However, in Wisconsin; I found no reference to the name changing thing and we don't have to be together to apply, but we do both have to go to the County Clerks office to sign individually. So there are pros and cons to both, and both still require more research.
I have the idea in my head that it may be easier to legally get married here and change my name, that way when we move I don't have to get things in my name and then a few months later change them to my new name. I could just get them all in my new name to start out. And from what I hear, changing your name on everything is a real and total hassle. I don't want to deal with hassle if I can avoid it. Thinking about all the things I'd have to change my name on though has led me to wonder what I'll have to get rid of, and what I'll have to keep. For instance; my bank is only in the great state of California. I'll have to get a new bank in Wisconsin. Which is okay with me, but how do I close my account her in CA when I'm there in WI? Don't I have to be present for that? How do I get all my remaining money? I could always close my account here before I go, but then I'm left for a time without any bank account at all, and I'm not really comfortable having all of my money on my person at one time. It's at least insured at my bank... for what that's worth. Based on the horror stories I've heard with people changing their name, it's going to be most difficult to change my name on my bank account. So that stands out above all else. The DMV in Wisconsin is a fraction of the nightmare that it is in California, so I don't think I'll have a problem there.

My last bit of drama has to do with this here Holiday Season. It may be Puese's last Christmas with his family, at least that's what he's worried about. But utilizing that same frame of thought; this could be my last Christmas with my mom and brother. I don't want to abandon my mom for the holidays. I don't want to have to just fit her in between his family festivities. But that's what I've been relegated to do. She's going to be all alone... Her husband is being a jerk and not treating her like his partner in marriage anymore, so she has no one. Sure, my brother could visit... but it's still not the same. Regardless of what we do; I am not at home for the holidays and there's no way that I can be this year. So I can either be a horrible person to my mother, or to my fiance. As for right now; I'm sticking with my stoic face and not letting anything affect me emotionally. I am the care giver.