Monday, December 31, 2012

A Yay! A Meh. and an Eh?

To get right into things; Christmas Eve - My hair looked good! I was super surprised since my hair's been unreasonably frizzy lately. So I decided to try something different. I used my wide tooth comb on my Apple Cider Vinegared hair and again on my wet hair. I think it was before I plopped it with my microfiber towel. I didn't even realize how it looked until I got home and was about to wash my face. Since then, I've only washed it once, and it didn't curl as nicely as on the 24th, it was a bit frizzier too, but it wasn't as frizzy as it had been. It was more or less "normal" frizzy for my hair. Right now is the end of day 3, I washed it on Friday morning and it's now Sunday night. My hair is not really greasy at all. I will still wash it tomorrow though. It is new years eve after all, and I have a date with my man! I'm pretty sure I'll be able to get it down to washing it at most twice a week, pretty soon. Yay!
On an opposing note: Christmas Eve - I broke out! Seriously! I had little tiny zits all about my face. I Never break out like that! I don't know why, all of a sudden it chose to do that... though, I may have forgotten to wash my face a few nights while I was super sick... I can't remember. Either way. I took note of the blemishes and washed my face with honey. I don't know if it helped or not. I put makeup on and then left the house until night. When I was noticing my hair (as mentioned above) I didn't notice any craziness on my face, but then again; I was kinda busy admiring my hair. I have not had any bad breakouts since then, but then again, it's not even been a week yet.
On a completely different, kinda related note: I've decided to try the sugar wax thing. I'm not sure when I stopped shaving my legs, but I have been made aware of that fact and now seek to rectify it. I will probably walk to the store tomorrow for fruit and veggies, and purchase the makings of while I'm there. Not sure when I'll be able to make it though.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Thick and Stringy, hair that is.

There are only 2 more full days until Christmas and I look terrible. I'm not talking about the fact that I'm overweight actually, I'm talking about my hair. I said a couple of posts ago that I made my own body wash. Well, I did, and it works great. I have no issue or qualm with it. I am clean, and that's what's to be expected. (The darn stuff is made from soap). It was after making this body wash and deciding that I liked it and my homemade face wash, that I chose to venture into making my own shampoo and conditioner.
A little while longer back I discussed my hair and face routine and then alluded to the fact that I had been trying out the "Curly Girl Method" of hair care. (I followed that up here.) I can't say that I didn't like my sulfate free products, they were fine. But I didn't much like the fact that a single bottle of either cost more than a set of the chemically stuff I'd been used to. Granted; not shampooing anymore means that I'd not have to purchase as much shampoo, but I was going to have to purchase more conditioner... I don't think it would have actually evened out in the end. Regardless, I chose to find a way to make my own. After some research on my different options I chose to simply go the no-'poo route. (For those that don't know what no-'poo is; instead of shampoo and conditioner, you use a solution of baking soda and water to clean the hair and then a solution of apple cider vinegar and water to "condition" it... roughly.) Since I didn't make a note of what day it was that I actually started this, I can't say exactly how long I've been doing it. If I thought hard enough and did the math I'd come up with a more accurate account, but for now I'm going to say it's been almost 2 weeks.
My natural, no product curl
I don't actually have a huge problem with the method itself. My hair is clean. It's also feeling much thicker than normal. My only problem with it so far, is that it's incredibly frizzy and stringy. My curls are breaking apart into super thin tendrils instead of the regular thick locks that they split into when my hair dries. I don't usually brush or comb my hair until right before I wash my hair, and this has never really posed a problem in the past. However, this morning, I had a rats nest at the back of my head that would make my 5 year old self blush. Today I tried to do the coconut oil for frizzy hair thing after my shower, and my hair just went limp and oily. Not my favorite. So now my hair is thick, heavy, limp, stringy, and looks a little oily (just not near the roots). It looked so bad before it even dried that I rolled into a bun at the nape of my neck and left it there. But even that's too heavy and is giving me headaches. I'm not sure what else to do. When I use normal shampoo (even the sulfate free stuff) my hair is wavy/curly and organizes itself just fine when I let it air dry. Maybe it has something to do with the microfiber towel I've been using. Maybe it has to do with that three week transition period people talk about when recommending the no-'poo thing.
Has anyone else had this issue? Has anyone whose tried this had their hair dramatically change in texture? Does anyone have suggestions? I'd like to not look like an unclean boho on Christmas.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Sick Time at Christmas

And so I am sick. We're going on the fourth day of it I believe. It's one of those congestion things. My nasal passages are mostly swollen shut, and when I can breathe a bit, it's to one side or it's very mucusy  It started as it does every year. A slight tingle at the back of my throat, followed by the congestion in my nose and them, vioala; I am sick. One year I was sick for at least a month straight. I believe that was December of 2009 into 2010. Happy New Year! I, of course, have done the usual thing; lay on the couch all day, watching movies, whilst being unfunny and ordering those around who will do my bidding. But it begs the question; why now? It could be due to the fact that my body is transitioning from the synthetic clean of normality to some sort of crunchy new self. Maybe my doing away with store bought soaps and things and deciding to make my own has made me more susceptible to germs and whatnot. Or it could be the fact that I share very close living quarters with one whom has been super gross sick, recently. Perhaps though, it's the combination of the two. All's I know is that I'm down for the count and, though I'd like to not feel so gross, I'm not sure I'm keen on getting better. Now this is my cynical self speaking, of course. What good does it do me to be well? I don't do much else than I do now. At least for now I have an suitable excuse for doing nothing and getting away with it. I'm not so guilty now. However, when I am well, I have no real excuse for doing nothing. Granted; I do what I can when I can, and circumstances as they are don't allow me much else than that. But I feel terrible for not being able to do anything more. That, and it's Christmas time, and I'm not nearly as able to celebrate as I was last year. It gives me pause to reflect. "Where could I have been if things had gone slightly different?" "If I had planned ahead, what could possibly have been done different?" "Why on God's green earth am I speaking this way?" Seriously... maybe I've watched too many fantasy movies these past three days. Meh. Alas, this with my other quandaries shall now go unresolved for now. I am sick and should head to bed. I just wish Nyquil made me feel drowsy so I could get to sleep faster.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The Oil Cleansed Face is GOOD

I am no authority on the Oil Cleanse Method, I have only been doing it for three days. But I must say that I am sure that I will probably continue to enjoy its effects and benefits. If you're hoping for the technical and/or medicinal/health benefits and fact, then you've come to the wrong place. I am only here to share my experience. If you're in need of all that information you may want to try someplace like THIS or THIS or Google it or something.
From what I've come to understand through my own searching, most ladies don't do/use the Oil Cleanse every day, or if they do, it's only at night. I also came to expect that through this method, my face might become more oily than normal, until it balanced out from using face washes. Mine did not. It may not have gotten oily due to the fact that I don't like my face when I wash with normal face wash and have not found a product that I actually can stand behind and has made my face, oh so lovely, so I don't wash more than once a day, so there wasn't so much to counteract by switching to oil? Regardless of the reason, my face is not super oily in comparison  Nor has it been super dry. It has, however, been soft and clean looking. So I approve. I also approve of the fact that I made it myself. I did have to purchase both of the ingredients in mine, but I didn't want to use the Olive Oil from the kitchen (this is still not my house) and I've never had a need for Castor Oil, so I've never had to purchase it before. I bought a fancy glass 8.5oz bottle of ExtraVirginOliveOil and the only Castor Oil I could find in 4oz. Which turned out to be a good combination of parts for my face. I mixed them together in a mason jar and then poured the mixtures back into the other two bottles. Now I have a small travel sized bottle and a bathroom sized bottle. Sweet! The most difficult thing about making it was getting the olive oil label off of the glass bottle.
The first night I tried it, I was a bit skeptical that it would actually work, and afraid that I'd just wasted good money. But I was happy with how well the oil came off my face with the steamy towel and it really did leave my face actually feeling clean. The second night, though, was the real test. I had worn makeup that day (yesterday) I don't always wear makeup, and I don't always cake it on very thick. Yesterday wasn't so much of an exception. I did wear makeup, but it wasn't caked on. It was the basic; slight concealer, a tad bit of rouge, a dash of foundation, eye shadow (powder) as eyeliner and shadow and a waterproof mascara. To my utmost delight the oil mixture massaged all essence of makeup away. Actually it got all the mascara off faster than the shadow as liner (but that's because it was on the edge of my lids). Oh Happy Day! I made something at home that actually works and I can be proud of.
Though, looking further into it; I may want to balance out my washing's with something else. Based on what I've been "hearing"/reading, There are other at home face cleansers that I can make that may work for me as well. I'm keen to try anything, and if I shouldn't be using the oil cleanse every day, I'd like to know what a good alternative is. Though, with my current results, I can't imagine daily use would be bad. We'll have to see how it goes as time progresses. Until then... I made my own body wash today.

Monday, December 10, 2012

A Naturalistic Me

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, and I'm beginning to act like a quasi-hippy. That actually may not be the best way to describe it. Nonetheless, I am calling it that until I come up with a more suitable term. To help me define it better, it may help to describe the symptoms.
A few weeks back I started looking into hair care, to make my hair less frizzy and more... pretty. I found several qualified options to attempt to utilize, but I didn't stop looking. I actually started so much as changing my own personal hygiene rituals, as well as the products I was using. I can't say I'm super satisfied with the products, but people say it takes a few weeks for your hair to come to terms with the change, so I'm not giving up. I am, however, still finding ways to make the process a bit less expensive. It makes no sense that something with less in it should cost more. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but I progressed from "healthier" products to buy, to at home remedies I could manufacture myself with things I might already have. I've settled at things I can make with simple ingredients from around my house... mostly the kitchen. At some point along the way, my search also spread from just hair care to face and skin care. I've even gone as far as making small purchases so that I may actually concoct some of this remedies. As I gather information and (apparently) momentum for these projects, I've been incorporating what I've concocted into my daily routine. I've even started contemplating in advance what I will do and when, so that I can incorporate my new "all natural" "products" and start ruling out the now, less desirable items. For instance; I ran out of shampoo and conditioner, purchased Sulfate free stuff. I ran out of face wash and mixed up and incorporated the Oil Cleanse. I've got all of the ingredients for body wash now, and when what I have runs out, I'll brew it up and replace what I no longer need.
There are a few things though that I don't think I'll ever truly replace. For instance; I don't think I'll replace toothpaste all together. Though I may choose to do a baking soda cleaning on a regular basis. And I'll probably still use the little amounts of makeup that I do use now, as well as continuing to paint my nails. I can't get rid of all of my toxins... That'd be downright un-American. But where I'll probably end up drawing the line is at feminine care products. Yeah. Anyways...
After I've come up with a satisfactory body wash, I'm considering home-made deodorants  I'm also looking at simply going the no-'poo route and implementing a dry shampoo into my routine along with an at home conditioner. We'll see. Though I may jump on the defrizzifying train first. Who knew I'd jump on the all natural train?! Actually I figured it might happen sooner than later. I've never wanted to douse myself in manufactured products and all natural/organic items intrigue me. Hopefully I'll be able to figure this all out sooner rather than later, so that it's all manageable and natural by my wedding.
(We seriously need to move sooner rather than later too, so that I can have my own kitchen and act on having a healthy diet as well.)

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Stoic Stress and Fretting

Have you ever been at that place where deep down inside of you, there's a part of you that you know is freaking out. And you feel like you should be spazzing completely, but for some reason you're either blahseh or just resiliently calm? That's kind of where I am right now. I had all these strange and random realizations about future things that either are or aren't going to go well. I have made many a mental note to talk to Puese about such and such, or this and that. I have perused the internet for answers to my silent qualms. But still deep in the pit of my stomach, at the corner of the back of my brain, I'm screaming; "WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO CALM? You're blood is going to boil and your heart is going to mis-beat and pop out of your chest. You're tears will line the streets for days." But I'm not actually reacting. Maybe I'm keeping it together because I know that freaking out won't solve anything. Then again, that's NEVER stopped me from jumping off the drama train before. Maybe it's because I've been needed today. The Mr is sick and I've assumed the role of care giver. The care giver never breaks down when they are needed most.
But what is it that I'm stressing over? Wedding stuff, of course. Not wholly and completely, but mostly and thoroughly. For instance; we don't have an officiant. We have options for officiants, but I'm not sure I've been comfortable with any of our options yet. Then my brother offered to do it. YAY!!! Having him do it would be wonderful for various reasons; 1) He'd be able to be a part of our ceremony, and not just an onlooker. As of right now, the only person doing anything in our ceremony of my family, besides me; is my dad, giving me away. 2) I wouldn't have to worry about the officiant and whether or not our views match up enough, or if they're going to make me take tests, or if all members of our families will be comfortable with our choice... 3) My brother gets me, and likes Puese. 4) He offered. This is probably the one of the best wedding gifts he could give... However, I'm having an exceedingly difficult time trying to hunt down all of the rules, regulations, laws, codes, and whatnot's about becoming an officiant in Wisconsin from out of state just for a wedding. Seriously, I've found lots of useful information, but no answers. I must keep looking. If I don't find what I'm looking for, perhaps I'll call the Jefferson County Clerk and speak to a person about it. The other option would be to get married in CA and not have a legal ceremony, but just a "show" ceremony in WI next year.
Talking to my brother today, it was also brought to my attention that I'm going to have to figure out food soon. If we're going to have to hire a caterer, it'll have to be more nowish, and less last minutey. Or we could just make all of the foods ourselves. It's just hor de vours right? Ummm... I don't cook on the regular, nor will I want to spend the morning of my wedding slaving over a hot stove and/or oven. I probably won't want to do it the night before either. I could always have the food made by other people and have them bring it, but that just sounds like a bad idea to me. I could probably plan the food better once I know how many people will be coming. Which brings me to my next point of panic;
My parents have not given me their lists yet. I asked them before Puese asked his for theirs. His mom emailed me hers maybe a week after he talked to her. I asked for mine in October. It's almost Christmas for crying out loud. I still have no idea how many Save the Dates I should be making. Nor do I know where to send these Save the Dates once I have made them. Granted, they don't have to go out until the end of January. But I'd like to be prepared, just in case, say; we're in the middle of moving then. I guess I could work on wording for now. Figure out what they'll look like, if they'll have a picture, what the quest titles will be. (probably: Save the Date! Derp.) But then, do I have to address them? Do they need to have a return address? Maybe not, it's just a Save the Date, not the invitation. We're not requesting return service. We do have a wedding website though. I could include that link.
When the time comes though, I'd like to have a more concrete address. I swear, if we have not moved by 4 months out from the wedding, I may collapse into a massive panic attack. That's not a threat really, just a statement of possible fact. I'd also like this more permanent address for the purpose of changing my name. (Which I am still conflicted about) Having researched a bit looking for information  about officiants, I ran across the marriage licensing/application process. In the state of California, you can legally change your name by way of said marriage license. You can also apply online, and show up together to pick it up. However, in Wisconsin; I found no reference to the name changing thing and we don't have to be together to apply, but we do both have to go to the County Clerks office to sign individually. So there are pros and cons to both, and both still require more research.
I have the idea in my head that it may be easier to legally get married here and change my name, that way when we move I don't have to get things in my name and then a few months later change them to my new name. I could just get them all in my new name to start out. And from what I hear, changing your name on everything is a real and total hassle. I don't want to deal with hassle if I can avoid it. Thinking about all the things I'd have to change my name on though has led me to wonder what I'll have to get rid of, and what I'll have to keep. For instance; my bank is only in the great state of California. I'll have to get a new bank in Wisconsin. Which is okay with me, but how do I close my account her in CA when I'm there in WI? Don't I have to be present for that? How do I get all my remaining money? I could always close my account here before I go, but then I'm left for a time without any bank account at all, and I'm not really comfortable having all of my money on my person at one time. It's at least insured at my bank... for what that's worth. Based on the horror stories I've heard with people changing their name, it's going to be most difficult to change my name on my bank account. So that stands out above all else. The DMV in Wisconsin is a fraction of the nightmare that it is in California, so I don't think I'll have a problem there.

My last bit of drama has to do with this here Holiday Season. It may be Puese's last Christmas with his family, at least that's what he's worried about. But utilizing that same frame of thought; this could be my last Christmas with my mom and brother. I don't want to abandon my mom for the holidays. I don't want to have to just fit her in between his family festivities. But that's what I've been relegated to do. She's going to be all alone... Her husband is being a jerk and not treating her like his partner in marriage anymore, so she has no one. Sure, my brother could visit... but it's still not the same. Regardless of what we do; I am not at home for the holidays and there's no way that I can be this year. So I can either be a horrible person to my mother, or to my fiance. As for right now; I'm sticking with my stoic face and not letting anything affect me emotionally. I am the care giver.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Wasting Time By Being Productive

I have randomly been rather motivated to do things the last couple of days. I've done different crafty things, different exercise things, different productive things... all while maintaining my negatron outlook on things. Yes, it fades a little when I'm doing things. But when I let myself stop for a while and think, it surges back in to haunt me. Then I become a terrible person. I think terrible thoughts and I don't like it. I don't know how to stop it though. I can't go go go forever. I have to sleep sometime. Which reminds me; I have not been sleeping well. I stay awake for ever when I go to bed. I just lay there, with my eyes wide open, unable to sleep. I turn, and move, and wiggle to get comfortable, to no avail. I seriously think it might be at least an hour every night of just laying there, thinking I could be doing something much more productive... like sleeping... or typing up a new blog. AND THEN the other day I woke up 3 hours before I normally do. That was a night I was awake until well after 1am. I still wasn't able to get to sleep that following night.
One of the productive things I've found to do in my awake time was exercise. I've found that I can only do that in this house when there is no one else around, so as I know that I'm NOT going to be in anyone's way. I actually posted a video of my first day back at it in my fitness blog. I waited until the coast was clear, then set up my camera, took my list of calisthenic type things and recorded me doing them in the backyard. I had been doing them each day since then, but I did not find a time to do them today; Puese didn't have to work, so there was no time alone for me. I did ask him to do them with me, and he agreed but then we didn't end up doing them. My stomach was upset, so I didn't protest.
I've also been keeping up with figuring out my hair's needs and things. I did post an entry about my hair qualms the other day in my old blog, and have been trying to put some more of the suggestions I'd received into practice. When I ran out of the shampoo and conditioner I did have, I went ahead and purchased some sulfate free stuff. I've been using the shampoo and conditioner one day, then not doing anything to my hair for the second day, using just conditioner on the third day, and seeing how it looks on the fourth day. If it's ok, I hold out to the 5th day to repeat the process. Which reminds me, I should invest in a shower cap. It's difficult keeping my hair dry when I'm not washing it, and it takes forever to air dry... seriously; it takes hours. Since I've been doing this, I've also been diligent with regular skin and oral care as well. Not that I didn't do it before, I just did it mechanically before. And because I'm making it a point to do things like that, I also made it a point to trim my hair. But after the disaster of the last cut and my complete dislike for it, I decided it'd be best to straighten it before I trimmed it. So far; it looks okay straight and styled, but that was yesterday, and I didn't wash it today; so I haven't seen it curly yet. I did however take the time to style it by flipping the ends  both today and yesterday, as well as pinning it stylistically to one side today. And because I did that; I thought it a good idea to also do my makeup... I don't usually wear makeup anymore. Mostly because I never leave the house and no one ever sees me besides the people I live with. But I'd been looking as blogs and tutorials so I was feeling motivated to make up my face. I look rather put together lately. And if you didn't know better; you'd think I was a chunky girl with great self esteem. With my whole life put together besides my weight. I even matched my colors in my clothes to my jewelry, makeup and socks.
What doesn't really help this misled image would be the fact that I've been DIYing things like a pintrest board as well. Today's feats were a "french tip" style nail job, I hadn't had my nails done since My BFF's wedding in September. And the hot chocolate snow cone baggie giftie thingies I made. I also considered some other crafty things to re-use/recycle old clothes, but my time is not always my own, and I ran out of what was. None the less; I did do a few, after reorganizing all of my clothes and cleaning our room and straightening the kitchen and living room.
Actually, on second thought, all of that didn't take too much time... where did my time go? The tree was decorated already... *shrug* I think I just blah blah blahed my way into tired enough to maybe sleep. Too bad by the time I'm done locking doors and turning off all the lights I'll be wide awake again. Regardless, Goodnight!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

What Do I Want When I Grow Up?

Not everyone knows what they want to be when they grow up. Lots of kids have ideas when they're young, but they grow out of them with age. Some kids grow up and become what they wanted to be. Others just change what they want and become that instead. Still others simply just forget about what they wanted to be and either found something they loved to do instead, or just work for the sake of working. I'm sure there are plenty of variables to this, but for the most part, you're either who you wanted to be, or you're not. For me, I suppressed what I wanted because they were illogical wants. So I was never really sure of what I wanted to be. I'd talk and reason my way out of anything the second I thought it up with a "Do you really want to do THAT? Forever?" And no, I couldn't think of something that I would possibly want to be doing at all stages of my life. Something that could last forever for me... But then; there are those things that I really enjoy that tug on the corner of my eye, but I still never see. There are things that I LOVE to do and wouldn't mind doing them forever, so why haven't I chosen those? Self esteem. Mine is low. I lack the confidence and/or I don't believe that anyone will think I'm good enough to buy into. Therefore I would be unable to sustain myself on these lifestyles.
Wait a minute... I don't do ANYTHING right now. Nothing. My lack of self esteem has driven me into this hole where I do nothing and am nothing and don't feel like I could attain anything. This, my friends, is a load of bull honkey. Right about now; I need to take some of my own advice, and shut up. Yes, doing what you want can be hard, but if I enjoy it, won't it be worth it? Duh!
Yet, there is that question still; What do I want? I want to sing... Well, ok. Sing. What am I going to do with that? Errm... I'm still not sure. But I can work on that. Maybe. What else do I want? Dang I dunno. I like writing. Yay! That's why I have this blog (and all my other ones.) I enjoy designing my own patterns and making them. I can lose myself in creative projects...
I'm not saying that anyone will buy into whatever I come up with to do. But if I focus on how I feel when I do these things; maybe it'll come to something I enjoy enough to be happy with what I've chosen to be. Whether that be in work or in hobby.

Some of the things that I wanted to be when I grew up were: a Corpse Dancer, a Rockstar, a Model turned Actress or visa versa, an interior architect/designer, a fashion guru, a cowgirl, a forest trail builder, a personal assistant(Hey! I do this for my mom), a well-known-but-not-in-the-paparazzi's-eye vocalist. All of those would have side gigs too, like if I were a rockstar, I'd also do "fine art". Or if I was an actress/model, I'd have my own clothing line. I'd also own a restaurant/sandwich shop as any of them. Later in life I settled on doing production work on either movies or print media. Being an editor in either, or a cinematographer. I thought I could be happy as a file clerk or a receptionist too... my how ones "dreams" do change. I still want most of those things actually, but I don't think I'll be able to be a corpse dancer.