Stoic Stress and Fretting

Have you ever been at that place where deep down inside of you, there's a part of you that you know is freaking out. And you feel like you should be spazzing completely, but for some reason you're either blahseh or just resiliently calm? That's kind of where I am right now. I had all these strange and random realizations about future things that either are or aren't going to go well. I have made many a mental note to talk to Puese about such and such, or this and that. I have perused the internet for answers to my silent qualms. But still deep in the pit of my stomach, at the corner of the back of my brain, I'm screaming; "WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO CALM? You're blood is going to boil and your heart is going to mis-beat and pop out of your chest. You're tears will line the streets for days." But I'm not actually reacting. Maybe I'm keeping it together because I know that freaking out won't solve anything. Then again, that's NEVER stopped me from jumping off the drama train before. Maybe it's because I've been needed today. The Mr is sick and I've assumed the role of care giver. The care giver never breaks down when they are needed most.
But what is it that I'm stressing over? Wedding stuff, of course. Not wholly and completely, but mostly and thoroughly. For instance; we don't have an officiant. We have options for officiants, but I'm not sure I've been comfortable with any of our options yet. Then my brother offered to do it. YAY!!! Having him do it would be wonderful for various reasons; 1) He'd be able to be a part of our ceremony, and not just an onlooker. As of right now, the only person doing anything in our ceremony of my family, besides me; is my dad, giving me away. 2) I wouldn't have to worry about the officiant and whether or not our views match up enough, or if they're going to make me take tests, or if all members of our families will be comfortable with our choice... 3) My brother gets me, and likes Puese. 4) He offered. This is probably the one of the best wedding gifts he could give... However, I'm having an exceedingly difficult time trying to hunt down all of the rules, regulations, laws, codes, and whatnot's about becoming an officiant in Wisconsin from out of state just for a wedding. Seriously, I've found lots of useful information, but no answers. I must keep looking. If I don't find what I'm looking for, perhaps I'll call the Jefferson County Clerk and speak to a person about it. The other option would be to get married in CA and not have a legal ceremony, but just a "show" ceremony in WI next year.
Talking to my brother today, it was also brought to my attention that I'm going to have to figure out food soon. If we're going to have to hire a caterer, it'll have to be more nowish, and less last minutey. Or we could just make all of the foods ourselves. It's just hor de vours right? Ummm... I don't cook on the regular, nor will I want to spend the morning of my wedding slaving over a hot stove and/or oven. I probably won't want to do it the night before either. I could always have the food made by other people and have them bring it, but that just sounds like a bad idea to me. I could probably plan the food better once I know how many people will be coming. Which brings me to my next point of panic;
My parents have not given me their lists yet. I asked them before Puese asked his for theirs. His mom emailed me hers maybe a week after he talked to her. I asked for mine in October. It's almost Christmas for crying out loud. I still have no idea how many Save the Dates I should be making. Nor do I know where to send these Save the Dates once I have made them. Granted, they don't have to go out until the end of January. But I'd like to be prepared, just in case, say; we're in the middle of moving then. I guess I could work on wording for now. Figure out what they'll look like, if they'll have a picture, what the quest titles will be. (probably: Save the Date! Derp.) But then, do I have to address them? Do they need to have a return address? Maybe not, it's just a Save the Date, not the invitation. We're not requesting return service. We do have a wedding website though. I could include that link.
When the time comes though, I'd like to have a more concrete address. I swear, if we have not moved by 4 months out from the wedding, I may collapse into a massive panic attack. That's not a threat really, just a statement of possible fact. I'd also like this more permanent address for the purpose of changing my name. (Which I am still conflicted about) Having researched a bit looking for information  about officiants, I ran across the marriage licensing/application process. In the state of California, you can legally change your name by way of said marriage license. You can also apply online, and show up together to pick it up. However, in Wisconsin; I found no reference to the name changing thing and we don't have to be together to apply, but we do both have to go to the County Clerks office to sign individually. So there are pros and cons to both, and both still require more research.
I have the idea in my head that it may be easier to legally get married here and change my name, that way when we move I don't have to get things in my name and then a few months later change them to my new name. I could just get them all in my new name to start out. And from what I hear, changing your name on everything is a real and total hassle. I don't want to deal with hassle if I can avoid it. Thinking about all the things I'd have to change my name on though has led me to wonder what I'll have to get rid of, and what I'll have to keep. For instance; my bank is only in the great state of California. I'll have to get a new bank in Wisconsin. Which is okay with me, but how do I close my account her in CA when I'm there in WI? Don't I have to be present for that? How do I get all my remaining money? I could always close my account here before I go, but then I'm left for a time without any bank account at all, and I'm not really comfortable having all of my money on my person at one time. It's at least insured at my bank... for what that's worth. Based on the horror stories I've heard with people changing their name, it's going to be most difficult to change my name on my bank account. So that stands out above all else. The DMV in Wisconsin is a fraction of the nightmare that it is in California, so I don't think I'll have a problem there.

My last bit of drama has to do with this here Holiday Season. It may be Puese's last Christmas with his family, at least that's what he's worried about. But utilizing that same frame of thought; this could be my last Christmas with my mom and brother. I don't want to abandon my mom for the holidays. I don't want to have to just fit her in between his family festivities. But that's what I've been relegated to do. She's going to be all alone... Her husband is being a jerk and not treating her like his partner in marriage anymore, so she has no one. Sure, my brother could visit... but it's still not the same. Regardless of what we do; I am not at home for the holidays and there's no way that I can be this year. So I can either be a horrible person to my mother, or to my fiance. As for right now; I'm sticking with my stoic face and not letting anything affect me emotionally. I am the care giver.