What Do I Want When I Grow Up?

Not everyone knows what they want to be when they grow up. Lots of kids have ideas when they're young, but they grow out of them with age. Some kids grow up and become what they wanted to be. Others just change what they want and become that instead. Still others simply just forget about what they wanted to be and either found something they loved to do instead, or just work for the sake of working. I'm sure there are plenty of variables to this, but for the most part, you're either who you wanted to be, or you're not. For me, I suppressed what I wanted because they were illogical wants. So I was never really sure of what I wanted to be. I'd talk and reason my way out of anything the second I thought it up with a "Do you really want to do THAT? Forever?" And no, I couldn't think of something that I would possibly want to be doing at all stages of my life. Something that could last forever for me... But then; there are those things that I really enjoy that tug on the corner of my eye, but I still never see. There are things that I LOVE to do and wouldn't mind doing them forever, so why haven't I chosen those? Self esteem. Mine is low. I lack the confidence and/or I don't believe that anyone will think I'm good enough to buy into. Therefore I would be unable to sustain myself on these lifestyles.
Wait a minute... I don't do ANYTHING right now. Nothing. My lack of self esteem has driven me into this hole where I do nothing and am nothing and don't feel like I could attain anything. This, my friends, is a load of bull honkey. Right about now; I need to take some of my own advice, and shut up. Yes, doing what you want can be hard, but if I enjoy it, won't it be worth it? Duh!
Yet, there is that question still; What do I want? I want to sing... Well, ok. Sing. What am I going to do with that? Errm... I'm still not sure. But I can work on that. Maybe. What else do I want? Dang I dunno. I like writing. Yay! That's why I have this blog (and all my other ones.) I enjoy designing my own patterns and making them. I can lose myself in creative projects...
I'm not saying that anyone will buy into whatever I come up with to do. But if I focus on how I feel when I do these things; maybe it'll come to something I enjoy enough to be happy with what I've chosen to be. Whether that be in work or in hobby.

Some of the things that I wanted to be when I grew up were: a Corpse Dancer, a Rockstar, a Model turned Actress or visa versa, an interior architect/designer, a fashion guru, a cowgirl, a forest trail builder, a personal assistant(Hey! I do this for my mom), a well-known-but-not-in-the-paparazzi's-eye vocalist. All of those would have side gigs too, like if I were a rockstar, I'd also do "fine art". Or if I was an actress/model, I'd have my own clothing line. I'd also own a restaurant/sandwich shop as any of them. Later in life I settled on doing production work on either movies or print media. Being an editor in either, or a cinematographer. I thought I could be happy as a file clerk or a receptionist too... my how ones "dreams" do change. I still want most of those things actually, but I don't think I'll be able to be a corpse dancer.